All too often I hear women talking about how to wash their vagina and I explain that it is actually self-cleaning! That soaps, gels and wipes can throw off the PH balance and cause thrush or other bacterial infections. Warm water will do just fine!
My lovely, talented friend @yattire has started up sound bath classes. I have been blessed enough to experience it!
Sound Baths are incredibly relaxing and beneficial to mental health. Researchers have found that sound waves can reduce blood pressure as well as enhance sleep and memory. Binaural beats, tones played simultaneously that are close in pitch but not identical, can be found in a sound bath session. Studies show these sounds can reduce anxiety and enhance mood states. Sound has been found to be a useful “brain exerciser”, helping to improve cognitive functioning and help with mental and emotional health.
I would really recommend having a go if you want a change to mindfulness and experience an escapism that can help heal you at the same time.
Consent is described as: permission for something to happen or agreement to do something.Consent is a vital part of creating a culture and community in which everyone feels safe and comfortable to live in.
Silence does not permit consent. It is clearly communicated, not negotiated.
An unconscious or intoxicated person under the influence of drugs or alcohol who is unable to knowingly consent cannot legally agree to sexual activity.
Past consent does not guarantee future consent.
A person has every right to change their mind at any point in time, because consent is ongoing.
Finally, even if you're in a long term marriage, consent is still vital.
Loss of desire, also known as low libido. Can affect women at certain times of life.
There are many obvious times such as during pregnancy, after having a baby, during menopause. However some women experience most of the time.
Low libido can have a range of physical or psychological causes, including:
*Excessive drug use or alcohol.
*Medication side effects
*Hormone issues (drop in testosterone)
And many more reasons. If you are struggling with low libido it is worth visiting your GP in the first instance. They can assess for any physiological aspects. If ruled out sex therapy can help assist you in reconnecting with your sexuality and help with any relational issues.
"Our souls crave intimacy"—Erwin Raphael McManus
Real intimacy is not found just by merging bodies in sex it is a process – not a thing. It takes place over time and there are many different types including: emotional, sexual and intellectual amongst others.
It's important to harbour and develop intimacy in relationships through self awareness and knowledge not to mention the all important communication!
Dyspareunia is pain or discomfort in a woman’s labial, vaginal, or pelvic areas during or after sex.There are many different causes of dyspareunia, resulting in different levels and kinds of pain. One of the main reasons so many cases go untreated is because women feel uncomfortable talking to their GP about this very private issue. If you're worrying about having the conversation try imagine going home knowing that you have taken the first steps towards recovery and how good you'll feel. There are many forums and even Facebook groups that can help support you. Remember that you are not alone. Contact a Sex Therapist like myself for further assistance.
Anxiety is isolating and can feel like it is eating you up from the inside. The physical manifestations can be debilitating and exhausting. If you look closely at anxiety, you can begin to see that our thoughts, feelings, behaviours and physical symptoms all interact and combine to keep our anxiety going. Things like mindfulness, distraction techniques, CBT skills can assist with alleviating it. However it's important to get to the root cause. Talk to a friend, family manner or therapist to understand yourself better and what is triggering it.
Suffering in silence with anxiety only exasperates it.
Breasts play a substantial role in female sexual pleasure. When nipples are full of nerves, during an MRI study, it was found that stimulating the nipple lights up the same part of the brain that is linked to the genitals. A study carried out, reported that touching the nipples/breasts causes or enhances sexual arousal in approximately 82% of young women. When aroused, a woman’s breasts can swell to up to 25% of their normal size, and become more sensitive. Stimulating the nipples releases neurochemicals like; Dopamine and Oxycontin. This in turn causes the vagina to swell and lubricate.
There is far less study on the importance of nipple use for men, however one piece of research done in 2006 reported that 52% of men get aroused by nipple play.
New research finds that comfort with sexual communication is directly linked to sexual satisfaction. Alongside this: People who are more comfortable talking about sex are also more likely to do so while having sex, the researchers found. Expressing yourself sexually tends to be easier during sexual activity as guards and barriers tend to be lowered. After all, people who are uncomfortable asking their partners to wear a condom may be at higher risk of having unprotected sex and exposing themselves to sexually transmitted infections. Which would reduce the fear of pregnancy or STI's and increase an individual feeling relaxed....not to mention the all important intimacy! So try to communicate and express yourself honestly. This will lead to a happier sex life.
People with Vaginas and Vulvas get to know yours! Explore it and educate yourself. Take a hand mirror and have a look. It may seem scary, it may seem uncomfortable but getting to know it will go a long way. @ri.davino
Some facts you say!?:
The vagina produces its own protective substances to get rid of unwanted fluids and bacteria. Avoid those feminine washes, they can unbalance your PH.
The Gspot wasn't 'officially' discovered till 1940. It's an area around 2cm inside the top section of the vagina. Not every woman has it though.. so don't worry too much!
The average vagina is only around three inches in size and stretching to four when aroused. But is flexible to accommodate any size! Also they do shrink back to their natural size after birth.
Increasing communication and intimacy:
To really focus on each other, 'soul gazing' is a technique that can help eliminate distractions and increase intimacy. To engage in soul gazing you can either sit and face each other on a bed or couch or alternatively lying on the bed facing each other. Hold eye contact for 3-5 minutes. (you are allowed to blink!) however do try not to talk. It can be awkward however with practice and time it will become easier. Try it for 5 minutes! It's all about taking time for each other, helping to build trust and ultimately gain a new level of intimacy
This week @michelleobama spoke about her miscarriages and IVF stating that she felt "lost and alone". For millions of people, the disclosure that she and Barack Obama used IVF treatment to conceive is an act of generosity. IVF is 40 years old now but is still met with stigma. Alongside this 1 in 4 pregnancies end in a miscarriage.
It seems at times that the reality of conceiving and challenges for many are muted. As Mrs Obama says in her book: "We sit in our own pain, thinking that somehow we're broken."
Suicide is the single biggest killer of men aged under 45 in the UK. Men remain three times as likely to take their own lives than women. 4,382 men committed suicide last year in the UK. There is a preconceived notion that those who commit suicide are unwell or have had huge life obstacles. Actually, 75% of people who take their own lives have never been diagnosed with a mental health problem, and only 5% of people who do suffer from depression go on to take their own lives.The reasons behind every individual suicide are unique and complex and not simply explained.
Calm is the number one charity that is focused on suicide in men. Debunking myths and stigma, Calmzone is doing all it can to reduce these suicide rates (which has happened over the last 3 years).
Calm tackles this by giving men a safe place to talk. Its helpline is ru by eight staff members who work seven nights a week fielding over 5,000 calls and web-chats a month.
CALMZONE:0800 58 58 58
SAMARITANS:Call 116 123 any day, any time.
Today is #transdayofremembrance . 368 Trans People were killed this year. 48% of Trans individuals have attempted suicide at least once. Being an ally means consistency of action, love and support, until the violence and discrimination ends and a day of remembrance is not needed.
As a Trans ally there is an incredible amount of work to be done.
Here are some tips on how to be a Trans ally that I learnt from @pink_news and from some of my own Trans friends.
1. Check in.
Drop a line or give them a call and ask them how they are.
Ask how their day went; many Trans individuals experience difficult days due to being misgendered, transphobia in the papers or in the streets.
2. Challenge everyday Transphobia.
If you hear something that doesn't resignate well with you. Voice it.
3. Use the right pronouns.
If you make a mistake apologise and move on. You can also always ask what people feel most comfortable with.
4. Be actively supportive.
Attend marches, donate, use your social media.
5. Educate yourself.
Lean about the obstacles that Trans individuals face. In the workplace, in healthcare and criminal justice system.
Read, watch and hear Trans voices. Be it your friend, colleague or in a documentary
Ethical porn also goes by the name “fair trade porn,” or “independent porn.” You can still watch what you would normally but feel like you're making a difference.
So what does ethical porn offer?: Diversity; body, sexuality, gender, ethnicity. Ultimately changing the stereotypes that mainstream porn possesses.
Nobody is coerced or tricked into doing anything they don't want to. There are high working standards, rights, respect and fair treatment.
Producers tend to support beginners, making sure they understand that the consequences of acting in a porn film.
Most actors are over 21 as producers want them to have explored their sexuality. So scenes and actors are natural and comfortable.
Fair and respectful pay ensuring there is no exploitation.
Directors let desires and pleasure run freely and the actors are able to say ‘no’ without worry.
Think about it this way, if you are conscientious about animal treatment you may buy fair trade brands.
So if you want to continue your masturbation habits but want to be sure the performers you watch are treated fairly, consider ethical porn.
Some Therapy Thoughts on self-love.
1. Watch your self-talk. You'd say kind and loving words to a partner, words that are truthful and heartfelt. Do the same for yourself.
2. Listen to your needs. Being aware of them facilitates a better self understanding.
3. Protect yourself.
Remove or combat toxic people from your life so that you may flourish.
4. Forgive yourself. We all mistakes, allow yourself to and let them go.
5. Hold yourself to account. Self love is about being your own cheerleader. Self motivation and drive can only some from within so push yourself and celebrate those wins.
Easier said than done and of course we all do it. But it's important to remember that Instagram is not real life. Most of the time it highlights best parts of people's lives while ignoring the undesirable. Social media comparisons can have a detrimental effect on mental health. The endless comparisons steal the confidence and self-worth from under your nose. So try to remind yourself that it's not real life, you're looking through a lense that someone has set up for you to view. If you feel that you can't stop comparing; unfollow. Your self-care needs to be prioritised.
Many clients ask me when they first start; how long therapy will take. Unfortunately there is no clear answer to that.
I like the idea of Milton Erickson that “therapy is often a matter of tipping the first domino.” Sometimes an individual does not really know what their main challenge is and often the "presenting problem" is not the deeper problem that they have. So unpicking may take time. Therapy can last anywhere from one session to several months or even years. It all depends on what you want and need. The most important thing is that you get the support you need and you start to feel better in yourself (or/and the relationship)
Many of you may not know this but there is more one way of being aroused! These different types are like building blocks. You may possess more than one and have a primary and secondary. Read through to see if any resonate with you.
The Sensual Type: is a person who is aroused by the senses. Their desire is sparked by the feel of skin on skin, by smells or taste. It is driven by the body and craves the senses to feel arousal.
The Cognitive Type: this is someone who is fuelled by desire by using their mind and thoughts. Fantasies and images increase their arousal.
The Intimacy Type: is aroused by the feeling of being able to connect with their partner. They feel desire when there is intimacy, trust and sharing.
The Attractor Type: feels aroused by being ‘seen’. They get turned on from arousing their partner or alternatively when they are seen as attractive or ‘sexy’ by their partner.
As I mentioned you may not have just one way by with you get aroused. However, knowing what turns you on can greatly help you to have a confident sex life. It facilitates tapping into your arousal when you most want it. So think about the last 3 times you were filled with desire....what was happening around you? What were your thoughts? What started it?
1 in 4 people in the UK will experience a mental health issue this year.
If you are worried about someone it can be difficult to know what to do. When you are aware there is an issue, it is important not to wait. Waiting and hoping they will come to you for help might lose valuable time in getting them support. I have spoken to people previously who have been too afraid to address mental health with the person they are worried about. Well I say stick on the kettle and use some of these tips:
1. Set time aside with no distractions
It is important to provide an open and non-judgemental space where the person feel safe and secure.
2. Let them share as much or as little as they want to
Let them lead the discussion at their own pace. Don’t put pressure on them to tell you anything they aren’t ready to talk about. Sometimes it's just giving people time.
3. Don't try to diagnose or second guess their feelings
You probably aren’t a medical expert and, while you may be happy to talk and offer support, you aren’t a trained therapist. Try not to make assumptions about what is wrong or jump in too quickly with your own diagnosis or solutions
4. Listen. Really listen.
Listening is actually quite a difficult skill to master. Most people listen to respond. Try to stop your mind wandering and focus on what they are trying to tell you.
5. Offer them support with services.
It maybe important that they see a GP in the first instance. Encourage them to do so with the support of yourself so they don't feel alone.