"Our souls crave intimacy"—Erwin Raphael McManus
Real intimacy is not found just by merging bodies in sex, it is a process – not a thing. It takes place over time and there are many different types including: emotional, sexual and intellectual amongst others.
It's important to harbour and develop intimacy in relationships through self awareness and knowledge not to mention the all important communication!
New research finds that comfort with sexual communication is directly linked to sexual satisfaction. Alongside this: People who are more comfortable talking about sex are also more likely to do so while having sex, the researchers found. Expressing yourself sexually tends to be easier during sexual activity as guards and barriers tend to be lowered. After all, people who are uncomfortable asking their partners to wear a condom may be at higher risk of having unprotected sex and exposing themselves to sexually transmitted infections. Which would reduce the fear of pregnancy or STI's and increase an individual feeling relaxed....not to mention the all important intimacy! So try to communicate and express yourself honestly. This will lead to a happier sex life.
Increasing communication and intimacy:
To really focus on each other, 'soul gazing' is a technique that can help eliminate distractions and increase intimacy. To engage in soul gazing you can either sit and face each other on a bed or couch or alternatively lying on the bed facing each other. Hold eye contact for 3-5 minutes. (you are allowed to blink!) however do try not to talk. It can be awkward however with practice and time it will become easier. Try it for 5 minutes! It's all about taking time for each other, helping to build trust and ultimately gain a new level of intimacy
Sex and communication: The ability to talk honestly and openly is vital in order to have a fulfilling sex life. The skills to do so can be learned which will greatly improve your sexual satisfaction and your relationship. Its not an easy thing to do, some people fear being embarrassed or embarrassing their partners. Not to mention the fear of being rejected or the possibility of ruining their relationships. Finally that many people are nervous about starting the conversation in the first instance so they just keep to themselves. Let's be honest; talking about sex is a very sensitive and uncomfortable topic for most people. All of these worries are completely understandable.
Some #sexeducation for this Friday evening. With #vulvodynia being the todays topic. Vulvodynia means ongoing pain in the vulva when there is nothing abnormal to see and no known cause for the pain. Whether it is generalised or localised, may be described as provoked, in other words touched, or spontaneous (occurring without touch as a trigger). Many conditions affecting the vulva can be painful (e.g. infections such as thrush or herpes, or eczema). In vulvodynia, pain is felt in the vulva when there is no obvious visible cause for it and other diagnoses have been ruled out by examination and investigation.There is also localised vulvodynia (also known as Vestibulodynia) which is a term used for pain arising at the entrance of the vagina. This is when any pressure, (touch or friction) is applied. Vulvodynia is not only physically painful but it can disrupt and unhinge intimate relationships and take and emotional and mental toll. In my next post I will be talking about treatment methods for vulvodynia.
Second part of my posts on #vulvodynia focusing on #treatmentmethods. From my experience and research, the multi-disciplinary approach is the best method. No single treatment is appropriate for individuals with vulvodynia and it may take some time to find a treatment, or combination of treatments, that helps alleviate pain.Some people experience relief with one particular treatment, while others do not respond or experience side effects. So finding out what works best for you is of upmost importance!
Firstly I would recommend a Psychosexual Therapist. We are trained to support you as an individual or perhaps as a couple. Receiving a diagnosis of vulvodynia or experiencing it, tends to affect a woman’s sexual relationships and emotional well-being.
Alongside this vulvodynia treatment may involve visiting a: •gynecologist or vulvovaginal specialist, •dermatologist, •physical therapist.
Current vulvodynia treatments include: ○Medications •Antidepressants ( both SSRIs and Tricyclic) •Anticonvulsians ○ Topical Medications (gels and creams) •Topical Hormonal Creams (e.g., estrogen, testosterone) •Topical Anesthetics •Topical Compounded Formulations (eg; anti-depressants) ○Other treatment options: •Nerve Blocks •Neurostimulation and Spinal Infusion Pump •There may also be some complementary or alternative medicine that would suit you. •Women with provoked vestibulodynia may be candidates for surgery. Success rates for surgery vary from 60% – 90%. Following a diagnosis, take your time finding what suits you for treatment options. We are all different which means what works for one person, may not for the other. Ensure that you have someone to talk to, be it a loved one or a health care professional so that you feel supported.
Dyspareunia is pain or discomfort in a woman’s labial, vaginal, or pelvic areas during or after sex.There are many different causes of dyspareunia, resulting in different levels and kinds of pain. One of the main reasons so many cases go untreated is because women feel uncomfortable talking to their GP about this very private issue. If you're worrying about having the conversation try imagine going home knowing that you have taken the first steps towards recovery and how good you'll feel. There are many forums and even Facebook groups that can help support you. Remember that you are not alone. Contact a Sex Therapist like myself for further assistance.
When we’re masturbating, our perception of what is sexually attractive and desirable changes. This all happens through my favourite part of the brain: The Prefrontal Cortex. Its the part of the brain that focuses on personality and creativity. Research has found that heightened sexual arousal achieved through masturbation can make almost anything and anyone seem more sexually appealing. Interestingly enough, these findings tell us that sexual arousal changes our perceptions of the world around us. Which is pretty crazy!
Loss of desire, also known as low libido. Can affect women at certain times of life.
There are many obvious times such as during pregnancy, after having a baby, during menopause. However some women experience most of the time.
Low libido can have a range of physical or psychological causes, including:
*Stress
*Depression
*Excessive drug use or alcohol.
*Medication side effects
*Hormone issues (drop in testosterone)
*Relationship issues
And many more reasons. If you are struggling with low libido it is worth visiting your GP in the first instance. They can assess for any physiological aspects. If ruled out sex therapy can help assist you in reconnecting with your sexuality and help with any relational issues.
Breasts play a substantial role in female sexual pleasure. When nipples are full of nerves, during an MRI study, it was found that stimulating the nipple lights up the same part of the brain that is linked to the genitals. A study carried out, reported that touching the nipples/breasts causes or enhances sexual arousal in approximately 82% of young women. When aroused, a woman’s breasts can swell to up to 25% of their normal size, and become more sensitive. Stimulating the nipples releases neurochemicals like; Dopamine and Oxycontin. This in turn causes the vagina to swell and lubricate.
There is far less study on the importance of nipple use for men, however one piece of research done in 2006 reported that 52% of men get aroused by nipple play.
People with Vaginas and Vulvas get to know yours! Explore it and educate yourself. Take a hand mirror and have a look. It may seem scary, it may seem uncomfortable but getting to know it will go a long way. @ri.davino
Some facts you say!?:
The vagina produces its own protective substances to get rid of unwanted fluids and bacteria. Avoid those feminine washes, they can unbalance your PH.
The Gspot wasn't 'officially' discovered till 1940. It's an area around 2cm inside the top section of the vagina. Not every woman has it though.. so don't worry too much!
The average vagina is only around three inches in size and stretching to four when aroused. But is flexible to accommodate any size! Also they do shrink back to their natural size after birth.
I get that having sex on your period isn’t for everyone and that's ok. But there is some serious stigma related to it, and really periods aren’t anything to be ashamed of. They’re natural. They happen every month. They’re just a part of bodies and life still happens! So here are some myth busting facts for you:
*Orgasms are pain relievers! This means climaxing while on your period can actually reduce cramps!
*There isn't as much blood as you think there will be- yes there maybe some but its not much different to any other bodily fluids that occur during sex.
*Period sex can actually be shortened due to the contracting of your uterus lining. *Some women become more aroused during their time of the month.
*Worried about getting blood on the sheets? Shower sex can change that! Please don't fall...
*Periods are natural, we still live in an a world where there is embarrassment and shame related to them-which is ridiculous. This needs to change, and to start that change we need to talk about it. Period.
Disclaimer: as much as I'm advocating for period sex (mainly destigmatization) PLEASE remember that you can still can contract STIs so do use protection.
Intimacy is at the heart of a strong relationship. Intimacy is about being able to be free, to be your authentic self with them. It's a deep emotional bond that is normally reserved for just one person. Ideally, sex in a loving relationship should come from a place of love and connection. The two are interconnected intimacy builds sex and sex builds intimacy. When one is struggling, the other is also.
If you and your partner are having difficulties couple therapy can really assist.
New research finds that comfort with sexual communication is directly linked to sexual satisfaction. Alongside this: People who are more comfortable talking about sex are also more likely to do so while having sex, the researchers found. Expressing yourself sexually tends to be easier during sexual activity as guards and barriers tend to be lowered. After all, people who are uncomfortable asking their partners to wear a condom may be at higher risk of having unprotected sex and exposing themselves to sexually transmitted infections. Which would reduce the fear of pregnancy or STI's and increase an individual feeling relaxed....not to mention the all important intimacy! So try to communicate and express yourself honestly. This will lead to a happier sex life 💗.
Sex and communication: If you feeling awkward or exposed talking during sex, a good way to commence communicating is to try it before being in the act. You could start the conversation about something you've my have had a dream about, day dreaming about or a fantasy you've been thinking about trying. You could start by leaving a note or even a text. Putting yourself gently out there is a good way to start. It's dipping your toes rather than diving straight in!
Sex and communication: If your partner struggles with communicating with you during sex, some positive reinforcement might help. Telling your partner how amazing they are, good they look and how much you enjoy being with them. Comment on certain aspects that you do get genuine pleasure from. This also can be said after sex when your partner may even be caught off guard. Knowing that you think of them can really help boost confidence levels.
