Simple tips to help create a new way of engaging in your life. Experts weigh in.
Introduce something new into the bedroom
Bring a toy into your sex life, one that you and your partner feel comfortable using. It could be as simple as massage oil, a vibrator, or a blindfold. (Aoife Drury, psychosexual and relationship therapist)
Not to state the obvious, but moving in with a partner is a big deal. As well as having to see them all the time, you also become privy to things you wish you’d never known, like their idiosyncratic – aka gross – bathroom habits or the fact they don’t ‘notice’ when the bins need taking out (it’s called weaponised incompetence!). But it’s also a big deal because you suddenly lose the safe haven that’s been around for your whole life: your bedroom.
Whether it’s panicking about an irregular cycle, queuing up for an emergency morning after pill or actively beginning to try for a baby, at some point, most of us will be confronted with our reproductive health status. ‘Reproductive health’ covers everything from STIs and sexual satisfaction to hormonal imbalances and fertility. But while it’s standard decency to tell a partner if you’ve got a sexually transmitted disease, we don’t really have a disclosure framework when it comes to things like endometriosis or polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS).
The journey towards becoming pregnant is far from smooth for some couples and when it takes a long time, the strain on the relationship can be immense, but there is hope. Kirsty spoke to professionals and those struggling alike.
Girl meets boy. They fall in love, and live happily ever after. Or so the fairy tales tell us. In reality, relationships are a lot more complicated, a lot less defined by gender or sexuality, and many of us don’t really know what we are doing due to a lack of decent sex education and realistic role models.
However, it doesn’t have to be this way. For a relationship to work, we need skills around dealing with conflict, setting boundaries, and what happens when things don’t go as planned in the bedroom. To address this gap, we asked therapists in Ireland for their advice for couples experiencing some of the most common relationship issues.
The demands of newborns and young children can have a dramatic effect on a couple’s sex life. Relationship experts say it takes trust and openness for parents to discover new ways of being intimate with each other. “People are unique, and everyone responds differently,” she says. “However, if you’re the one who has given birth, you may be experiencing an overhaul of your hormones as well as all sorts of physiological changes and, more often than not, desire discrepancy will arise. In heterosexual couples, it’s not unusual for men to feel rejected in this scenario and women to feel they are not understood,” says Drury. “Pressure can start to mount, and communication becomes fraught.”
When you hear the word foreplay, a familiar scenario probably springs to mind. Maybe your idea of heating up for sex is ten minutes of kissing and touching, maybe it’s a lengthy oral session, or maybe it’s thirty seconds of fingering (no judgement here!).
No matter how we get the ball rolling on a personal level, our notions about foreplay are generally the same across the board. It’s considered the precursor to sex; the prologue; the starter.
At least, this is what we’ve been taught. There’s been a discourse for some time on improving sex for women by focussing on foreplay, because we tend to ‘warm up’ to sex in a different way than men.
Sex. It’s a complex experience influenced by a myriad of psychological, physical, cultural and social factors – but it is also a source of joy and pleasure. Sex offers us ways to connect with our own bodies and pleasure as well as that of our partner’s, can strengthen and deepen bonds, and helps sustain fulfilling romantic relationships. So why, when it comes to something so important, are we still so reluctant to ask for help when issues arise?
The group sex scene has exploded in Ireland in the past five years, with social media opening up a world of information to those looking to explore ethical non-monogamy. We talk to experts and enthusiasts about stigma, consent and what it’s really like to take part in an orgy.
The NHS says one in seven couples will have fertility issues, but 84% will conceive naturally within a year. Why do so many drive themselves to despair presuming it will be an impossible feat?
Millennials aren’t getting any younger and the WhatsApp baby announcements are picking up at a ferocious pace (I’ve had eight in five months). For some, these are hard-won, exhausting journeys that have finally borne fruit. For others, it has all been – well – much simpler than they feared. The NHS says that one in seven couples will have fertility issues – a number that is rising, and is undoubtedly awful for those who go through it – but 84 per cent of couples will conceive naturally within a year of regular, unprotected sex. Why then, do so many drive themselves to despair presuming it will be an impossible feat?
Our interview this week is at the end of the episode rather than the middle where it usually is because I thought it would be good to get some expert advice from a professional on boundaries, therapy speak and healthy relationships. Aoife Drury, pyschosexual and relationship psychotherapist did just that.
How sex looks, feels and happens will look different at 70 compared with your twenties, but that’s not a bad thing. That’s because your sex life will fluctuate as you navigate life’s swings and roundabouts – both physical and emotional.
“Age is a wonderful tool for sexuality, as our journey to learning about our sexual selves is never-ending. We can have a fantastic, fruitful sexual relationship throughout our lifespan,” says Aoife Drury, a psychosexual and relationship therapist.
Relationship rules can be complicated.
Since there is no textbook definition of “cheating”, every couple has to define their own boundaries to navigate the relationship’s tricky terrain. The involvement of porn in relationships has always been a particular sore spot, sparked by the age-old question — is watching porn cheating?
Like it or not, porn is a big part of our modern society. Despite its prominence, particularly in recent years, there is still a lot of shame around the subject.
Since porn and masturbation are considered to be equally taboo, it can be very hard to start a conversation on these topics. Even with your partner.
What does it mean to truly understand women's sexual health and how does it connect to our mental well-being? Today, i'm joined by Aoife, a psychosexual and relationship therapist, to shed light on this often under-discussed yet vital aspect of women's lives. In our conversation, we explore the intricate world of women's sexual health and its connection to mental health, focusing on individual experiences and addressing the impact of sexual issues on self-esteem, anxiety, stress, and depression.
We also delve into societal expectations surrounding women's sexual well-being, touching on the importance of recognizing your sexual identity and the psychological aspects of self-care. Aoife guides us through the historical messages associated with the female orgasm, the impact of post-birth stress and body image on a woman's sexual well-being, and the topic of female pelvic pain. We discuss the myths and misconceptions about pelvic floor physiotherapy and the process of a satisfactory sexual experience for women.
As we navigate this enlightening conversation, Aoife emphasizes the importance of active listening and compassion in relationships, particularly when it comes to discussing sexual health. Together, we explore the power of active listening in creating an open and compassionate environment for sexual health conversations and offer tips on finding the right therapist for you. Don't miss this episode that tackles an often under-discussed but essential aspect of women's well-being.
In a new relationship, conversations about sexually transmitted infections (STIs) and diseases (STDs) can seem unsexy. In a long-term relationship, they might seem unnecessary or accusatory.
Although people use the terms STD and STI interchangeably, there are a few small differences. STIs are infections transmitted through sexual contact, while STDs are diseases that result from STIs.
STI is also the most up-to-date term. Sex educators and healthcare professionals prefer the term STI because it’s more accurate and has less stigma attached to it than “disease”.
The stigma surrounding STIs not only makes them a difficult subject to navigate but also increases the rates of transmission. That’s why openly discussing sexual health is crucial for safeguarding both your and your partner’s health.
The last thing you think of when you are diagnosed with cancer is how it will effect your sex life. Yet this is something that Kirsty was faced with following her successful treatment of stage three breast cancer.
We are more open about sex than ever before––living in a present of sexual plenty. Yet statistics say we’re not having any. Kate Demolder debates the paradox of sexual liberation.
In March 2020, when then-Taoiseach Leo Varadkar announced, from a pulpit, the closure of schools, places of work and the St Patrick’s Day Festival because of an unknown virus that would soon come to be known as Covid-19, many predicted great surges in sexual activity. Natural disasters have yielded such results before; the 2007 Gloucestershire floods lead to a baby boom; nine months after New York suffered a 10-hour power cut in 1965, there was...
How sex looks and feels changes throughout a lifetime. In every decade, we face new mental, physical and emotional challenges — but there’s also plenty to get excited about. Here, we look at how to have a fulfilling sex life at every age.
Good sex doesn’t just magically happen — it requires effort and lots of open communication. Improving sexual communication is vital for a relationship, and yet talking about sex with your partner can feel daunting.
Whether you want more sex, want to try a new sexual fantasy, or you’re experiencing issues in your sex life, the road to a satisfying relationship is paved with slightly awkward chats.
There are many reasons to have open and honest conversations about sex with your partner. Research finds that couples who talk about their sex life are more satisfied in bed and have overall higher relationship satisfaction.
Couples with sexual problems report a lack of sexual communication, according to one study published in the Journal of Sex Research. Meanwhile, sexual communication was positively linked with all domains of sexual function, including desire, arousal, erection, lubrication, orgasm, and even less pain. So yeah, talking about sex is important — especially for women, the study concluded.
Being able to talk about difficult subjects with your partner can foster intimacy and bring couples closer, and having a “sex chat” is no different.
“Talking about sex is a great way to ensure that communication stays open and clear about the expectations and desires surrounding sexual enjoyment,” says Aoife Dury, a COSRT-accredited psychosexual and relationship therapist.
The sight would have been unthinkable when Viagra was launched 25 years ago. Advertisements for the erectile dysfunction drug are taking up swathes of pharmacists’ windows up and down the country. Not only that — since 2021, Pfizer’s ‘little blue pill’ has been available without a prescription.
