Image Magazine

Relax. It turns out we’re having the ‘right’ amount of sex

Kate Demolder conducted a rudimentary examination among friends and acquaintances – single and committed – to decipher how much sex they were having. Those in relationships, unsurprisingly, logged on more hours, but every person she spoke with believed they ‘should be having more’ sex.

In a piece for the Atlantic in 2019, writer Kate Julian introduced a Western audience to the idea of a sex recession. It contradicted a number of things we’ve come to know; taboos have been lifted, but people aren’t talking about sex, hook up culture is rampant, but people aren’t engaging. Julian’s essay drew from a selection of recent academic papers, with two articles by psychologist Jean Twenge especially relevant. Twenge and her colleagues showed...

Irish Independent

Asking for a Friend

Q: I’m in my early 40s, and I hate to admit it but I haven’t really dated a lot in my life. Any relationship I’ve tried to build hasn’t lasted more than a few months, so I’ve never known what it’s like to have a long-term relationship. I think that if I was really being honest, I’ve never been in love and don’t really know what love is. I’ve never treated women badly, and I would like to think my friends and family would describe me as a good person with good manners.

Cosmopolitan Magazine

What is sexual frustration and how can you deal with it?

Sexual frustration is something that most people have probably felt at one time or another. Whether it's because of an unintentional dry spell, or because you've chosen to swear of dating for a while, we're feeling more frustrated than ever. To help out, we spoke to some experts to explain what sexual frustration actually is and the ways you can deal with it.

In simple terms, sexual frustration means you feel dissatisfied in some way with your sex life. Or as psychosexual and relationship therapist Aoife Drury explains, "Sexual frustration is the incongruity between a person's desired and attained sexual activity." This can incorporate anything, from how often you have sex, or the kind of sex that you have.

Sexual frustration mostly impacts our mental health, says GP Clare Morrison, a medical advisor for MedExpress. "This can include obsessing about sex, anxiety, low mood, lack of self esteem, irritability, and insomnia, all of which are bad for one's mental health."

The Irish Independent

Asking For A Friend

Love can mean different things to different people, but I would describe love as a feeling of safety, peace, trust, calmness, and connection with another person. It is tinged with lust in the early days of a relationship and then transforms into a calmer, day-to-day love which looks like feeling comfortable and facing the world as a team. Love is feeling that you can be your true self with another person, and they accept you for who you are. Dating can feel exciting, and some people struggle with the transformation of lustful excitement into comfortable calmness, but long-term love is calm — the opposite of feeling like you are on a rollercoaster, not knowing what the next turn brings.

The Examiner

Baby In The Middle

Becoming a parent is one of the biggest obstacles to maintaining a satisfying sex life, says renowned Belgian-American psychotherapist Esther Perel.“Sex makes babies, but babies spell erotic disaster for couples,” says Perel in a Ted talk watched by more than 20m people.Margaret*, a 39-year-old mother of three under five, agrees. “My husband and I used to have a very active sex life,” she says. “We have three beautiful children to show for it. But these days, it’s harder and harder to find the time. We’re both working. The youngest still wakes at night. The oldest is an early riser and is usually in our room at the crack of dawn. I just don’t know where we’re supposed to fit it in.”

Irish Independent

Let’s Talk About Libido

Let’s talk about the L-word: ‘I think more Irish women than not are struggling with libido and desire’

Irish women are no longer afraid to ask for what they want in the bedroom, but talking about the ebbs and flows of our libidos is a relatively new conversation“You have the teenage girls who come in to get fitted for [contraceptive] devices and they’re usually asking, ‘How soon can I have sex?’” she says. “And then, on the other hand, you have older women coming in after a procedure like a hysterectomy, and they’re more inclined to say things like, ‘I think I’ll just tell him I’ve to wait a few more weeks [than is standard] before I’m able to have sex.’”

The Irish Independent

Could a marriage sabbatical energise your relationship?

Romantic relationships may be joyous, but they are also hard work. And even the happiest couples need a reboot on occasion.

Sometimes, creating some critical distance between yourself and the person you love can be essential maintenance. A bit like a relationship NCT.

The Power of You Podcast

The Power of You Podcast Meets Aoife Drury

In this episode Jen Cameron and Aoife Drury discuss; what psychosexual therapy is, what to expect when booking a session, what issues may be bringing you to seek help from a psychosexual therapist and so much more!! We talk about types of intimacy, sex, and awareness – your ears will be glued!

This is an informative, interesting & warm conversation. Enjoy!

GQ

Relationship revival guide: how to keep dating when you already live together

At the beginning of a relationship it's all fresh sheets, best underwear, and romantic restaurants. Then you move in together and slowly discover they only have one pair of pants without holes in. If you're less neurotic than the best of us, this won’t make you love them any less – but there’s no denying that it takes work to keep romance alive if you share a Google doc keeping track of who last paid the council tax bill.

What’s more, moving in will likely mean you’re spending a lot more time together, especially if you’re both working from home. This is, obviously, one of the perks of living together, but can also put a strain on the relationship – particularly if you forgo date nights in light of always hanging out at home. As a recent TikTok trend points out, if cohabiting partners do venture out on a date, will they have anything to say to each other anyway?

Paired Magazine

How to talk about STIs with your partner

Whether you’re entering a new relationship or you’ve been with your partner for a while and have decided to stop using protection (or received a positive test result), you should feel comfortable having a conversation about STIs.

Because STIs are spread through sexual contact, anyone sexually active should be aware of the risks. STIs are incredibly common, and around one in five people in the United States have an STI. If left untreated, STIs like chlamydia and HPV can lead to more serious health complications such as infertility and cervical cancer, so it’s not worth risking your health to simply avoid an awkward conversation. 

Queer' Say

Love and Other Drugs; Chemsex

It was so wonderful to chat with @adlerss and @grace_alice_oshea on @teachsolaislgbt podcast about the important topic; chemsex.

We spoke about understanding both the pleasure and the pain, how to support those struggling, and also how to minimise harm when engaging. Alongside the wonderful work and resources provided by @mpowerprogramme

We also mention our lovely friend, the late, great David Stuart and how pivotal his work has been to the community.

Between Us Clinic

Mindfulness Meditation for Erectile Dysfunction

Click to read

Meditation is a spiritual technique that is originally drawn from ancient Buddhist traditions. In recent decades leading psychologists have studied this technique and found out that it is incredibly powerful when used as a therapeutic tool.

Meditation is helpful in developing a human quality called “mindfulness”. Developing higher levels of mindfulness is helpful in treating psychological erectile dysfunction, sexual performance anxiety and low libido as well as with stress reduction and has many other health benefits.

Nurture Your Vagina Podcast

Critical Thinking in Chemsex

I was so delighted to speak to @nurtureyourvagina about my Doctorate research topic, a topic very close to my heart; Chemsex. My research is in the area of intimacy and connection with regard to chemsex.

I'm a strong believer that to discuss chemsex we can't just isolate it to the pain and harm, but to the pleasure that these drugs and environment facilitate too. We need to look at chemsex through a multifaceted lens in order to provide wraparound, holistic, person-centred support. Far too often the narrative is of risk, harm, pathologisation, and vilification. What that does is only further marginalise an already marginalised group.

If we talk about harm reduction, we must also discuss pleasure pursuit. I am so grateful that Candice created a space to explore and understand all of these complex components to help bring the humanity of this experience to the forefront.

Irish Examiner

Sex Education: How Irish women are focusing on their own pleasure in the bedroom

The terms ‘pleasure’ and ‘pandemic’ don’t naturally go together.

But while a deadly virus was beginning to spread across the world this time two years ago - a new and particularly virulent strain of an erotic awakening also took hold.

In the past two years, we’ve collectively binge-watched Normal People, Sex Education and Bridgerton — shows that put female pleasure front and centre. On TikTok and Instagram, a whole new breed of influencers are recommending sex toys and talking openly about issues like vaginismus (a painful condition that can prevent women from having penetrative sex), while former Love Island stars Faye Winter and Teddy Soares fronted sexual wellness and lingerie brand’ Lovehoney’s latest campaign. When shopping online, you’re as likely to come across a vibrator on sites like Asos and LookFantastic as you are a coat.

Womens Health Magazine

Polysexual: What Does It Mean and Is It the Same as Pansexual?

The LGBTQ+ spectrum encompasses a range of sexualities and identities. Some that are commonly known and understood like gay or bisexual, alongside others that a smaller number of people identify with, but are nonetheless important terms that fall under the queer umbrella.

Polysexuality – sometimes represented by a pink, green and blue flag – is one such orientation.

Image Magazine

Are you having the ‘right’ amount of sex?

Research shows there is a ‘sex recession’ right now, but what does that mean when society has us believe there’s a certain amount of sex we should be having? And what is the right ‘amount’ of sex to be having?

n a piece for the Atlantic in 2019, writer Kate Julian introduced a Western audience to the idea of a sex recession. It contradicted a number of things we’ve come to know; taboos have been lifted, but people aren’t talking about sex, hook up culture is rampant, but people aren’t engaging. Julian’s essay drew from a selection of recent academic papers, with two articles by psychologist Jean Twenge especially relevant. Twenge and her colleagues showed...

Cosmopolitan Magazine

Tips to Help you Navigate your Sex Life

Whether you're looking to take your sex life up a notch or want to impress a new partner, it can be really helpful to check out sex tips and advice. And, thankfully, you're in the right place! Over the years, we've prided ourselves on providing the best sex tips and sexy toolkits to help our readers live their sex lives to the fullest.

Sharing a personal fantasy with your partner can be a great way to be more open and vulnerable with each other, says Aoife. "Vulnerability deepens the connection between you", she says, and can lead to some amazing romantic sex.

Irish Independent

‘Single people are exhausted’ - The experts give their advice on love and dating in 2022

As we emerge from lockdown, it’s clear the love landscape has shifted for everyone, from singletons searching for ‘the one’ to couples trying to reignite their passion. We asked a matchmaker, relationship coach and sex therapist how to find — and keep — love in 2022

The Evening Standard

Here is what I learned after not having sex for a year

Focusing on, and fantasising about, our ‘erotic values’ has become more significant today, according to psychosexual therapist, Aoife Drury. It can ‘connect you to a sense of self and awareness of what cultivates desire for you. Learning and being able to communicate that with a future partner is extremely helpful, too. Remember, these are the chapters of your book.

The Irish Independent

Modern Morals: My girlfriend is depressed and dependent on me

Question: My girlfriend and I met a few months before the pandemic and we moved in together during the first lockdown.

The first few months were great, but then her mood changed quite drastically. She started spending a lot of time in bed — sleeping in in the morning and then going for long naps in the afternoon — and she has no motivation to do any of the stuff we used to enjoy.

Comments by Aoife;

It’s important to create an environment that is non-judgemental and allows her to express her needs. Often we listen to respond rather than to actually hear and sit with what the person is feeling. We may want to fix or make the pain go away, but this can result in negating their experience.

As much as we might love someone, we need to also look after ourselves, as the saying goes; you can't pour from an empty jug. It's important to remember that your feelings are vital too, and it's understandable that frustration, anger and sadness may be experienced. It's really tough to see a loved one overwhelmed with the darkness depression brings, and difficult to feel so helpless.

I would encourage him to also look after himself; making sure he is surrounding himself with support, spending time with friends and also engaging with a hobby. His life and needs are important too. Alongside this, if needed a trusted therapist could help.

If you do plan on ending the relationship I would be suggesting that he ensures that she has support from others, if cooking and self-care are difficult, then perhaps she might need an extra hand. Ensuring that she is supported if it ends.