iPaper

How to have the best sex of your life – in every decade

How sex looks, feels and happens will look different at 70 compared with your twenties, but that’s not a bad thing. That’s because your sex life will fluctuate as you navigate life’s swings and roundabouts – both physical and emotional.

“Age is a wonderful tool for sexuality, as our journey to learning about our sexual selves is never-ending. We can have a fantastic, fruitful sexual relationship throughout our lifespan,” says Aoife Drury, a psychosexual and relationship therapist.

Paired

Is Watching Porn Cheating?

Relationship rules can be complicated. 

Since there is no textbook definition of “cheating”, every couple has to define their own boundaries to navigate the relationship’s tricky terrain. The involvement of porn in relationships has always been a particular sore spot, sparked by the age-old question — is watching porn cheating? 

Like it or not, porn is a big part of our modern society. Despite its prominence, particularly in recent years, there is still a lot of shame around the subject. 

Since porn and masturbation are considered to be equally taboo, it can be very hard to start a conversation on these topics. Even with your partner.

Don't be Afraid to Talk

A Journey Through Women's Sexual Health

What does it mean to truly understand women's sexual health and how does it connect to our mental well-being? Today, i'm joined by Aoife, a psychosexual and relationship therapist, to shed light on this often under-discussed yet vital aspect of women's lives. In our conversation, we explore the intricate world of women's sexual health and its connection to mental health, focusing on individual experiences and addressing the impact of sexual issues on self-esteem, anxiety, stress, and depression.
We also delve into societal expectations surrounding women's sexual well-being, touching on the importance of recognizing your sexual identity and the psychological aspects of self-care. Aoife guides us through the historical messages associated with the female orgasm, the impact of post-birth stress and body image on a woman's sexual well-being, and the topic of female pelvic pain. We discuss the myths and misconceptions about pelvic floor physiotherapy and the process of a satisfactory sexual experience for women.

As we navigate this enlightening conversation, Aoife emphasizes the importance of active listening and compassion in relationships, particularly when it comes to discussing sexual health. Together, we explore the power of active listening in creating an open and compassionate environment for sexual health conversations and offer tips on finding the right therapist for you. Don't miss this episode that tackles an often under-discussed but essential aspect of women's well-being.

Paired

How to Talk to your Partner about STIs

In a new relationship, conversations about sexually transmitted infections (STIs) and diseases (STDs) can seem unsexy. In a long-term relationship, they might seem unnecessary or accusatory. 

Although people use the terms STD and STI interchangeably, there are a few small differences. STIs are infections transmitted through sexual contact, while STDs are diseases that result from STIs. 

STI is also the most up-to-date term. Sex educators and healthcare professionals prefer the term STI because it’s more accurate and has less stigma attached to it than “disease”. 

The stigma surrounding STIs not only makes them a difficult subject to navigate but also increases the rates of transmission. That’s why openly discussing sexual health is crucial for safeguarding both your and your partner’s health. 

Irish Examiner

Sex after a Cancer Diagnosis

The last thing you think of when you are diagnosed with cancer is how it will effect your sex life. Yet this is something that Kirsty was faced with following her successful treatment of stage three breast cancer.

Image Magazine

Are we really having less sex?

We are more open about sex than ever before––living in a present of sexual plenty. Yet statistics say we’re not having any. Kate Demolder debates the paradox of sexual liberation.

In March 2020, when then-Taoiseach Leo Varadkar announced, from a pulpit, the closure of schools, places of work and the St Patrick’s Day Festival because of an unknown virus that would soon come to be known as Covid-19, many predicted great surges in sexual activity. Natural disasters have yielded such results before; the 2007 Gloucestershire floods lead to a baby boom; nine months after New York suffered a 10-hour power cut in 1965, there was...

Irish Independent

How to have great sex — from your 20s to 70s and beyond

How sex looks and feels changes throughout a lifetime. In every decade, we face new mental, physical and emotional challenges — but there’s also plenty to get excited about. Here, we look at how to have a fulfilling sex life at every age.

Paired

How to Talk to your Partner about sex

Good sex doesn’t just magically happen — it requires effort and lots of open communication. Improving sexual communication is vital for a relationship, and yet talking about sex with your partner can feel daunting.

Whether you want more sex, want to try a new sexual fantasy, or you’re experiencing issues in your sex life, the road to a satisfying relationship is paved with slightly awkward chats. 

There are many reasons to have open and honest conversations about sex with your partner. Research finds that couples who talk about their sex life are more satisfied in bed and have overall higher relationship satisfaction. 

Couples with sexual problems report a lack of sexual communication, according to one study published in the Journal of Sex Research. Meanwhile, sexual communication was positively linked with all domains of sexual function, including desire, arousal, erection, lubrication, orgasm, and even less pain. So yeah, talking about sex is important — especially for women, the study concluded.

Being able to talk about difficult subjects with your partner can foster intimacy and bring couples closer, and having a “sex chat” is no different. 

“Talking about sex is a great way to ensure that communication stays open and clear about the expectations and desires surrounding sexual enjoyment,” says Aoife Dury, a COSRT-accredited psychosexual and relationship therapist. 

Irish Independent

Viagra’s staying power: how the little blue pill rose to the big time

The sight would have been unthinkable when Viagra was launched 25 years ago. Advertisements for the erectile dysfunction drug are taking up swathes of pharmacists’ windows up and down the country. Not only that — since 2021, Pfizer’s ‘little blue pill’ has been available without a prescription.

Image Magazine

Relax. It turns out we’re having the ‘right’ amount of sex

Kate Demolder conducted a rudimentary examination among friends and acquaintances – single and committed – to decipher how much sex they were having. Those in relationships, unsurprisingly, logged on more hours, but every person she spoke with believed they ‘should be having more’ sex.

In a piece for the Atlantic in 2019, writer Kate Julian introduced a Western audience to the idea of a sex recession. It contradicted a number of things we’ve come to know; taboos have been lifted, but people aren’t talking about sex, hook up culture is rampant, but people aren’t engaging. Julian’s essay drew from a selection of recent academic papers, with two articles by psychologist Jean Twenge especially relevant. Twenge and her colleagues showed...

Irish Independent

Asking for a Friend

Q: I’m in my early 40s, and I hate to admit it but I haven’t really dated a lot in my life. Any relationship I’ve tried to build hasn’t lasted more than a few months, so I’ve never known what it’s like to have a long-term relationship. I think that if I was really being honest, I’ve never been in love and don’t really know what love is. I’ve never treated women badly, and I would like to think my friends and family would describe me as a good person with good manners.

Cosmopolitan Magazine

What is sexual frustration and how can you deal with it?

Sexual frustration is something that most people have probably felt at one time or another. Whether it's because of an unintentional dry spell, or because you've chosen to swear of dating for a while, we're feeling more frustrated than ever. To help out, we spoke to some experts to explain what sexual frustration actually is and the ways you can deal with it.

In simple terms, sexual frustration means you feel dissatisfied in some way with your sex life. Or as psychosexual and relationship therapist Aoife Drury explains, "Sexual frustration is the incongruity between a person's desired and attained sexual activity." This can incorporate anything, from how often you have sex, or the kind of sex that you have.

Sexual frustration mostly impacts our mental health, says GP Clare Morrison, a medical advisor for MedExpress. "This can include obsessing about sex, anxiety, low mood, lack of self esteem, irritability, and insomnia, all of which are bad for one's mental health."

The Irish Independent

Asking For A Friend

Love can mean different things to different people, but I would describe love as a feeling of safety, peace, trust, calmness, and connection with another person. It is tinged with lust in the early days of a relationship and then transforms into a calmer, day-to-day love which looks like feeling comfortable and facing the world as a team. Love is feeling that you can be your true self with another person, and they accept you for who you are. Dating can feel exciting, and some people struggle with the transformation of lustful excitement into comfortable calmness, but long-term love is calm — the opposite of feeling like you are on a rollercoaster, not knowing what the next turn brings.

The Examiner

Baby In The Middle

Becoming a parent is one of the biggest obstacles to maintaining a satisfying sex life, says renowned Belgian-American psychotherapist Esther Perel.“Sex makes babies, but babies spell erotic disaster for couples,” says Perel in a Ted talk watched by more than 20m people.Margaret*, a 39-year-old mother of three under five, agrees. “My husband and I used to have a very active sex life,” she says. “We have three beautiful children to show for it. But these days, it’s harder and harder to find the time. We’re both working. The youngest still wakes at night. The oldest is an early riser and is usually in our room at the crack of dawn. I just don’t know where we’re supposed to fit it in.”

Irish Independent

Let’s Talk About Libido

Let’s talk about the L-word: ‘I think more Irish women than not are struggling with libido and desire’

Irish women are no longer afraid to ask for what they want in the bedroom, but talking about the ebbs and flows of our libidos is a relatively new conversation“You have the teenage girls who come in to get fitted for [contraceptive] devices and they’re usually asking, ‘How soon can I have sex?’” she says. “And then, on the other hand, you have older women coming in after a procedure like a hysterectomy, and they’re more inclined to say things like, ‘I think I’ll just tell him I’ve to wait a few more weeks [than is standard] before I’m able to have sex.’”

The Irish Independent

Could a marriage sabbatical energise your relationship?

Romantic relationships may be joyous, but they are also hard work. And even the happiest couples need a reboot on occasion.

Sometimes, creating some critical distance between yourself and the person you love can be essential maintenance. A bit like a relationship NCT.

The Power of You Podcast

The Power of You Podcast Meets Aoife Drury

In this episode Jen Cameron and Aoife Drury discuss; what psychosexual therapy is, what to expect when booking a session, what issues may be bringing you to seek help from a psychosexual therapist and so much more!! We talk about types of intimacy, sex, and awareness – your ears will be glued!

This is an informative, interesting & warm conversation. Enjoy!

GQ

Relationship revival guide: how to keep dating when you already live together

At the beginning of a relationship it's all fresh sheets, best underwear, and romantic restaurants. Then you move in together and slowly discover they only have one pair of pants without holes in. If you're less neurotic than the best of us, this won’t make you love them any less – but there’s no denying that it takes work to keep romance alive if you share a Google doc keeping track of who last paid the council tax bill.

What’s more, moving in will likely mean you’re spending a lot more time together, especially if you’re both working from home. This is, obviously, one of the perks of living together, but can also put a strain on the relationship – particularly if you forgo date nights in light of always hanging out at home. As a recent TikTok trend points out, if cohabiting partners do venture out on a date, will they have anything to say to each other anyway?

Paired Magazine

How to talk about STIs with your partner

Whether you’re entering a new relationship or you’ve been with your partner for a while and have decided to stop using protection (or received a positive test result), you should feel comfortable having a conversation about STIs.

Because STIs are spread through sexual contact, anyone sexually active should be aware of the risks. STIs are incredibly common, and around one in five people in the United States have an STI. If left untreated, STIs like chlamydia and HPV can lead to more serious health complications such as infertility and cervical cancer, so it’s not worth risking your health to simply avoid an awkward conversation. 

Queer' Say

Love and Other Drugs; Chemsex

It was so wonderful to chat with @adlerss and @grace_alice_oshea on @teachsolaislgbt podcast about the important topic; chemsex.

We spoke about understanding both the pleasure and the pain, how to support those struggling, and also how to minimise harm when engaging. Alongside the wonderful work and resources provided by @mpowerprogramme

We also mention our lovely friend, the late, great David Stuart and how pivotal his work has been to the community.