Sex and communication: If your partner struggles with communicating with you during sex, some positive reinforcement might help. Telling your partner how amazing they are, good they look and how much you enjoy being with them. Comment on certain aspects that you do get genuine pleasure from. This also can be said after sex when your partner may even be caught off guard. Knowing that you think of them can really help boost confidence levels.
Listening is a skill. As a therapist you are taught to do it. Listening well means not just understanding the words or the information being communicated, but also understanding the emotions the speaker is trying to communicate.
Truely listening means trying to understand what the individual is trying to say in many forms, not just the content but what they say but how they say it; their tone, rate of speech and body language. Not to mention why they chose the specific words. Then the next level is how is this making them feel. Can you understand their emotional components?
Then finally what does this evoke for you? This maybe something that the individual is experiencing (if it is not and belongs to you, that's a whole new ball game!). Remember listening is a skill. So you can learn it!
The losses of two well know figures; Anthony Bourdain & Kate Spade this week is a stark reminder that mental illness does not discriminate. There is a preconceived notion that it only strikes on those suffering. It doesn't. Nobody is safe. Maybe today you can start a conversation on mental health, check in on someone, or seek help you have always needed.
We must continue to de-stigmatize mental illness. It’s OK to seek help. In fact it’s incredibly wise and brave. I urge you today to pay attention to what people are telling you, not just with their words. Use this time to be empathetic, sensitive and compassionate. Check on your “strong” friends. If you are struggling with how to talk to people, I have done a piece below on how to listen. That is the starting point. Listening, REALLY listening. Mental illness kills, just like physical illnesses and needs to be treated with the same seriousness.
Look after one another. Love. Be kind. Be gentle.
To you struggling, I see you. I hear you. Please reach out. You’re winning the battle with every breath and moment you choose life. There is support and help out there.
You are not alone.
