Just because your erection is not hard as steel, doesn't mean you can't have a sizzling sex life. Not to mention that; to have a happy, healthy sex life, you don't need to have penetration. Sex is whatever you want it to be.
TRIGGER WARNING: Stealthing/rape- Two nights ago I asked women to anonymously share times, they had experienced stealthing. An act described as “the practice of one sex partner covertly removing a condom, when sexual consent has only been given by the other sex partner for condom-protected safer sex.” - If you consent to having safe sex and someone you’re intimate with violates what you have only consented to, it is rape. You are a rapist. People still have this idea that someone who rapes is this dodgy looking guy at the bottom of an alley way waiting around during midnight. It isn’t. A guy who slips off a condom without your knowledge is also a rapist. Many people who wrote in or commented on the thread I compiled admitted that they didn’t know there was a name for it (stealthing) and that’s because some don’t recognise it as being dangerous. If a woman consents to safe sex, you respect her wishes instead of risking her sexual health (exposing her to STI’s and unwanted pregnancies) because “it doesn’t feel great” - do not cross her boundaries for your pleasure. To the women who wrote in, thank you for sharing your experiences with me. You didn’t have to, but chose to, allowing me to bring more awareness. If you ever go through this, please contact a rape crisis centre who will be able to try and support you.
Passive aggressive behaviour takes many forms. Most of us know it by the obvious signs; verbal low-level attacks (criticism, snide comments etc) or indirect behaviours (slamming doors, stomping around). But passive aggressive behaviour may not always be conscious for example; procrastinating or avoiding (eg; being late), chronic forgetting, self-pity, withholding (actions such as sex, or even making a cup of tea), learned helplessness and shifting blame. Ultimately; passive aggressive behaviour is a way of expressing anger covertly or indirectly. This way of resolving issues seems almost unnoticeable. Passive aggressiveness can appear low-key, making it can difficult to identify and admit to. It can push people way with the slow drip-feeding of negativity. In order to change your behaviour, firstly, it's important to connect with the emotion. Often with PA behaviour it stems from not having a good understanding of why you are angry. Before you start addressing your actions start paying attention to what is triggering you. Then give yourself time to make the needed changes, showing yourself compassion as you do. Finally; practice! Practice how to assert yourself before you do, this will hopefully help you feel more confident.
"If we are comfortable enough to undress in front of our beauticians, why are so many of us still too embarrassed to take a potentially life-saving test?" Cervical screening is a at a 20 year low with two lives lost to cervical cancer every day.
Treatwell and Public Health England have teamed up to try and encourage people to attend their screenings through #lifesavingwax . Campaigning in salons through these leaflets to encourage change and conversation.
We take care of our appearance everyday-what about our health?
OXYTOCIN!! You may know it as the 'Love hormone'. It is a neurotransmitter and is produced in the hypothalamus (which sits in the base of the brain). It is my favourite hormone as it brings so much good; it’s even released during childbirth and breastfeeding. Building empathy and trust in relationships. To....of course....being released through sexual activity and orgasms! One way of doing thanks through nipple play. That is for people of all genders! Though women tend to have a higher level. If you're with a partner and seeing a positive physiological and emotional reaction, you are getting that oxytocin moving from their hypothalamus into their blood stream!
"Sometimes I think people interpret those as vagina pants, they call them vulva pants, they call them flowers, but it just represents some parts of some women. There are some women in the video that do not have on the pants, because I don't believe that all women need to possess a vagina to be a woman." Janelle Monae
Walking past the bridge I discovered this beautiful tribute to someone who was clearly adored. Struggling with mental health issues can feel terrifying and isolating. Most of us have either lost someone or known of someone who have ended their lives, or perhaps have contemplated ourselves. It's imperative that we keep the dialogue open, that we challenge stigmas and show compassion. If you are struggling with suicidal thoughts @samaritanscharity always has a phone line open (please see my highlights or swipe on this image). Holly's friends and family have done an amazing job raising awareness of the importance of talking in Holly's memory. Nobody is immune to the veil of darkness that is depression. Please know that you are not alone, you are important and it's ok not to be ok.
I have saved so many posts by @theequalityinstitute with the aim of posting them, but I can never decide which one!! They are all vital and powerful. I decided to choose this one for today because I believe that there still much more work to do around debunking stigma around Feminism. Feminism is about equality for ALL womxn. Feminism needs to be intersectional. It is important to to know that intersectional feminism points out that there are multi-layered facets in life that womxn of all backgrounds face.
The whole purpose of intersectional feminism is to listen to different kinds of feminists, not just ones like yourself. In other words; if you don't stand for all womxns rights , you don't stand for any
When we’re masturbating, our perception of what is sexually attractive and desirable changes. This all happens through my favourite part of the brain: The Prefrontal Cortex. Its the part of the brain that focuses on personality and creativity. Research has found that heightened sexual arousal achieved through masturbation can make almost anything and anyone seem more sexually appealing. Interestingly enough, these findings tell us that sexual arousal changes our perceptions of the world around us. Which is pretty crazy!
All too often I hear women talking about how to wash their vagina and I explain that it is actually self-cleaning! That soaps, gels and wipes can throw off the PH balance and cause thrush or other bacterial infections. Warm water will do just fine!
My lovely, talented friend @yattire has started up sound bath classes. I have been blessed enough to experience it!
Sound Baths are incredibly relaxing and beneficial to mental health. Researchers have found that sound waves can reduce blood pressure as well as enhance sleep and memory. Binaural beats, tones played simultaneously that are close in pitch but not identical, can be found in a sound bath session. Studies show these sounds can reduce anxiety and enhance mood states. Sound has been found to be a useful “brain exerciser”, helping to improve cognitive functioning and help with mental and emotional health.
I would really recommend having a go if you want a change to mindfulness and experience an escapism that can help heal you at the same time.
Loss of desire, also known as low libido. Can affect women at certain times of life.
There are many obvious times such as during pregnancy, after having a baby, during menopause. However some women experience most of the time.
Low libido can have a range of physical or psychological causes, including:
*Stress
*Depression
*Excessive drug use or alcohol.
*Medication side effects
*Hormone issues (drop in testosterone)
*Relationship issues
And many more reasons. If you are struggling with low libido it is worth visiting your GP in the first instance. They can assess for any physiological aspects. If ruled out sex therapy can help assist you in reconnecting with your sexuality and help with any relational issues.
We all know the "New Year, New Me" phrase that is thrown around regularly this time of the year. We set high expectations for ourselves and attempt to change those pesky "flaws" that we see.
Many of our resolutions actually re-enforce most of the negative conceptions we already have and guilt begins to flourish when the resolutions fall through.
Instead, why not allow this year to be the one when you put your own needs first, to honour where you are and what you've accomplished no matter what.
Can you make this the year of asking for help and allowing yourself to accept support? To be guilt free and self compassionate?
Life is too short and too uncertain to spend it surrounded by things that drain you. Perhaps 2019 can be about taking stock of what and who feed your soul and get more of it!
Eating disorders.
I have worked extensively with those suffering with eating disorders in the past, and I know that Christmas time can be the most challenging time of year. It’s incredibly difficult to get away from food, alongside comments that people may make and the pressure to be 'festive' around food. Christmas is a time that the eating disorder thoughts and feelings are trying to battle and punish you. It wants you to feel anxious and afraid so that you will want to stick to the routines and rules even more. So, planning in advance can put the power back in your hands.
· First things first: Be aware of your inner critic and negative comments. If you are feeling overwhelmed, don’t be hard on yourself. Ask yourself, ‘what do I need to do to make my Christmas day enjoyable and not make me panic?’
· Planning Christmas dinner in advance. This may range from portions sizes, distractions after dinner (if purging is something that happens for you), serving yourself/serving away from the table.
· Understanding who may be there on Christmas day may assist also, in which case you could do a seating plan so you’re not sitting beside the family gossip!
· Hopefully you have a loved one who you can talk to about what is worrying you most about this time of the year and can perhaps assist you. Asking them to tell family/friends not to comment on weight or appearance, developing a little signal between the two of you for when things become too much, explaining to them what your triggers may be and what coping mechanisms may help.
· SEED has some great downloads that may be of use to you, or family members on their website.
· BEAT have their helpline open over Christmas
Anxiety is isolating and can feel like it is eating you up from the inside. The physical manifestations can be debilitating and exhausting. If you look closely at anxiety, you can begin to see that our thoughts, feelings, behaviours and physical symptoms all interact and combine to keep our anxiety going. Things like mindfulness, distraction techniques, CBT skills can assist with alleviating it. However it's important to get to the root cause. Talk to a friend, family manner or therapist to understand yourself better and what is triggering it.
Suffering in silence with anxiety only exasperates it.
Breasts play a substantial role in female sexual pleasure. When nipples are full of nerves, during an MRI study, it was found that stimulating the nipple lights up the same part of the brain that is linked to the genitals. A study carried out, reported that touching the nipples/breasts causes or enhances sexual arousal in approximately 82% of young women. When aroused, a woman’s breasts can swell to up to 25% of their normal size, and become more sensitive. Stimulating the nipples releases neurochemicals like; Dopamine and Oxycontin. This in turn causes the vagina to swell and lubricate.
There is far less study on the importance of nipple use for men, however one piece of research done in 2006 reported that 52% of men get aroused by nipple play.
People with Vaginas and Vulvas get to know yours! Explore it and educate yourself. Take a hand mirror and have a look. It may seem scary, it may seem uncomfortable but getting to know it will go a long way. @ri.davino
Some facts you say!?:
The vagina produces its own protective substances to get rid of unwanted fluids and bacteria. Avoid those feminine washes, they can unbalance your PH.
The Gspot wasn't 'officially' discovered till 1940. It's an area around 2cm inside the top section of the vagina. Not every woman has it though.. so don't worry too much!
The average vagina is only around three inches in size and stretching to four when aroused. But is flexible to accommodate any size! Also they do shrink back to their natural size after birth.
This week @michelleobama spoke about her miscarriages and IVF stating that she felt "lost and alone". For millions of people, the disclosure that she and Barack Obama used IVF treatment to conceive is an act of generosity. IVF is 40 years old now but is still met with stigma. Alongside this 1 in 4 pregnancies end in a miscarriage.
It seems at times that the reality of conceiving and challenges for many are muted. As Mrs Obama says in her book: "We sit in our own pain, thinking that somehow we're broken."
Suicide is the single biggest killer of men aged under 45 in the UK. Men remain three times as likely to take their own lives than women. 4,382 men committed suicide last year in the UK. There is a preconceived notion that those who commit suicide are unwell or have had huge life obstacles. Actually, 75% of people who take their own lives have never been diagnosed with a mental health problem, and only 5% of people who do suffer from depression go on to take their own lives.The reasons behind every individual suicide are unique and complex and not simply explained.
Calm is the number one charity that is focused on suicide in men. Debunking myths and stigma, Calmzone is doing all it can to reduce these suicide rates (which has happened over the last 3 years).
Calm tackles this by giving men a safe place to talk. Its helpline is ru by eight staff members who work seven nights a week fielding over 5,000 calls and web-chats a month.
CALMZONE:0800 58 58 58
SAMARITANS:Call 116 123 any day, any time.
Today is #transdayofremembrance . 368 Trans People were killed this year. 48% of Trans individuals have attempted suicide at least once. Being an ally means consistency of action, love and support, until the violence and discrimination ends and a day of remembrance is not needed.
As a Trans ally there is an incredible amount of work to be done.
Here are some tips on how to be a Trans ally that I learnt from @pink_news and from some of my own Trans friends.
1. Check in.
Drop a line or give them a call and ask them how they are.
Ask how their day went; many Trans individuals experience difficult days due to being misgendered, transphobia in the papers or in the streets.
2. Challenge everyday Transphobia.
If you hear something that doesn't resignate well with you. Voice it.
3. Use the right pronouns.
If you make a mistake apologise and move on. You can also always ask what people feel most comfortable with.
4. Be actively supportive.
Attend marches, donate, use your social media.
5. Educate yourself.
Lean about the obstacles that Trans individuals face. In the workplace, in healthcare and criminal justice system.
6. Listen.
Read, watch and hear Trans voices. Be it your friend, colleague or in a documentary
